Ah, Royal Caribbean’s Deluxe Beverage Package—a lovely little oasis of convenience amidst the chaos of cruise life. A place where one can sip on endless cocktails, iced coffee, and enough bottled water to float the Titanic (if only it had been paying attention). You might think it’s perfect, right? Well, before you get too comfortable, let me drop a little truth bomb: it has a tiny quirk in Texas and New York that will leave you muttering, “Why me?” But before you curse the high seas, let me remind you—it’s still better than the headache Carnival Cruise Line slaps on you. Trust me, I’ve been there.
Now, let me clarify: this isn’t just me grumbling like the old curmudgeon I am (though I wear that title with pride). This is more of a rant against how Carnival makes you feel like you’re being shaken down for pocket change at a neighborhood lemonade stand. You see, while Royal Caribbean’s beverage package comes with a few asterisks, Carnival’s version, the “Cheers!” package, comes with a full-blown “this is how we swindle you” manual.
Why Royal Caribbean’s Drink Package Actually Works
Let’s start with Royal Caribbean. The Deluxe Beverage Package will run you anywhere from $60 to $110 per day, per adult passenger in your cabin. Sure, you’ll also pay taxes and the oh-so-lovely 18% gratuity (because, apparently, nothing says “thank you for your service” like an automatic fee). But here’s the kicker: you’re not just paying for unlimited booze. You’re paying for peace of mind.
No more clutching receipts and sweating over whether that fifth cocktail was really necessary (spoiler: it always is). With this package, you can order whatever you want, as much as you want, without keeping a mental tally like you’re solving a calculus problem. Want a mimosa at breakfast? Go for it. Afternoon iced coffee? Bring it on. Switching from gin to rum because it’s Tuesday? The world—or, at least, the bar—is your oyster.
And that’s where Royal Caribbean gets it right. You can even try different drinks without fear. Don’t like that overly pretentious martini? No worries, swap it out for something else. It’s like a cruise ship buffet, but for your liver.
The Texas and New York Problem
Here comes the part where things get a little… Texas. (And New York, but let’s tackle Texas first.)
If your Royal Caribbean cruise happens to leave from Galveston, Texas, you’re in for a surprise. You see, Texas has some very specific alcohol laws. And by “specific,” I mean maddeningly inconvenient for anyone who enjoys a good drink. The Texas Alcoholic Beverage Commission (TABC)—a group of fun-suckers if I ever saw one—requires that any liquor served in Texas waters must come from a distributor in the state. This means that, until your ship hits international waters (a lovely 12 miles away), you’re stuck sipping from Texas-approved bottles, likely chosen by someone who thought Mad Dog 20/20 was high-end booze.
To make things worse, Royal Caribbean has to slap a Texas tax sticker on every bottle. So, for a brief period, your Deluxe Beverage Package comes with a disclaimer: limited selection. You won’t have access to the full array of spirits until your ship escapes the clutches of the Lone Star State.
But, as much as I love to grumble, I have to admit—Royal Caribbean is actually doing you a favor here. Because, dear reader, things could be much worse. Just look at Carnival’s approach.
Carnival’s Sneaky Drink Policy: The “Cheers!” Package Disaster
Carnival Cruise Line, always a company with its hand in your wallet, takes the Texas (and New York) alcohol laws to a whole new level of ridiculousness. On cruises departing from Texas and New York, Carnival’s drink package, aptly named “Cheers!” (because nothing says “cheers” like hidden fees), can’t even be used on the first day of your trip. That’s right—on day one, you’re on your own. Any drink you order will be charged to your account, and you’ll be stuck paying à la carte prices for every sip until the clock strikes 6 a.m. on day two. Because who doesn’t love starting their vacation with a $200 bar tab before the boat even leaves port?
Oh, but it gets better. Even though you can’t use the package on the first day, Carnival still makes you pay for that day. That’s right, you’re being charged for a service you literally can’t use. It’s like paying for a gym membership while sitting on your couch eating chips. Actually, no, it’s worse, because at least with the gym you’re voluntarily being lazy. Carnival just straight-up robs you while you’re staring at the ocean.
Carnival vs. Royal Caribbean: Who’s the Real Winner?
So, let’s recap, shall we? Royal Caribbean may make you drink from Texas’ private stash for a few hours, but at least you get unlimited drinks from day one. And by day two, you’re free to indulge in whatever cocktail strikes your fancy. Carnival, on the other hand, teases you with a drink package you can’t even use right away and still makes you pay for it. I don’t know about you, but that feels like a carnival game where the only prize is frustration.
And don’t even get me started on New York sailings. Royal Caribbean avoids this mess because its New York cruises leave from Bayonne, New Jersey. But Carnival? Nope. They’re handcuffed to the same ridiculous New York liquor laws, and you’re left feeling like you’re paying for Broadway tickets but only getting to see the rehearsals.
My Advice to the Cruise Lines
Here’s my unsolicited, curmudgeonly advice to both Royal Caribbean and Carnival: if these states want to make your lives (and our drink packages) miserable, maybe you should just stop sailing from there. That’s right, ditch Texas and New York. Florida doesn’t pull this nonsense, and there’s a reason it’s the cruise capital of the world. Let’s see how quickly those state governments change their tune when cruise ships stop pouring money into their ports.
In conclusion, Royal Caribbean’s Deluxe Beverage Package might not be perfect—especially when you’re sipping from Texas-approved bottles—but at least it’s better than Carnival’s Cheers! package, which is more of a “Boo!” than a “Cheers!” if you ask me.
So, pack your sunscreen and your patience, and remember: when in doubt, always choose the lesser of two booze-related evils.
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