Ah, cruise vacations. The sun, the sea, the relaxation—unless, of course, you’re a professional complainer who’s just discovered that kids exist in the world. Enter one particularly grumpy guest, who, after getting lightly bonked by a rogue golf ball, demanded that Carnival Cruise Line transform its miniature golf courses into exclusive lounges for guests aged 55 and older.
Yes, you read that correctly. An entire family-friendly activity should be scrapped because one person’s short game took an unexpected hit. And guess what? Carnival isn’t having it.
The Mini-Golf Meltdown
So here’s the story: This guest, clearly traumatized by a stray golf ball (which, let’s be honest, probably didn’t even leave a mark), reached out to Carnival’s Brand Ambassador, John Heald. Their demand? Boot the kids and their families from the mini-golf course and convert the space into a 55+ sanctuary of peace and quiet.
Because nothing screams fun cruise vibes like replacing a lively putt-putt course with a deck full of cranky boomers napping in lounge chairs, right?
According to the guest’s complaint:
- They were hit by a golf ball “so hard” that it caused pain (insert dramatic gasp here).
- The culprit? A child.
- The crime? Having fun.
- The response from the crew? A refusal to “expel” the child and their parents from the area.
Apparently, this individual has been stewing about this issue for some time because they made it clear that this was the second time they had written to Heald. You know, in case the first attempt at erasing childhood joy wasn’t enough.
Carnival’s Hilarious Yet Sensible Response
To the surprise of absolutely no one (except, perhaps, our golf-ball-averse complainer), Heald shut down the idea with all the grace of a well-practiced PR professional.
“The mini golf course is massively popular, and so there are no plans to change it to a 55+ deck as suggested,” he confirmed.
Translation? Nope, not happening. Thanks for writing.
But Where Will the Elderly Escape the Horror of Happy Children?
Here’s the kicker: Carnival already has designated adults-only spaces. That’s right, folks! If the sound of a child giggling while tapping a golf ball makes your blood pressure spike, you can head straight to:
- The Serenity Deck (an adults-only oasis where one can sulk in silence)
- The casino (unless you’re afraid of dice, too)
- The spa (where there are no rogue golf balls, only soothing music and overpriced massages)
- The R-rated comedy shows (though, let’s be honest, these are probably also too rowdy for our golf-hating friend)
At no point does Carnival market itself as an adults-only cruise line. So why on earth would someone who despises family-friendly activities book a cruise with one of the most famously family-oriented cruise lines in the world?
The Reality of Mini-Golf on Carnival Ships
Let’s take a step back and appreciate the mini-golf courses for what they really are:
- A simple, fun, outdoor activity for all ages.
- A place for families to enjoy time together.
- A way for teens to challenge their new cruise friends.
- A perfectly reasonable space where, yes, a golf ball might go a little off-course now and then.
These nine-hole courses, found on most Carnival ships, don’t require sign-ups or supervision. Some ships have clubs and balls available at the course, while others ask guests to check them out from a nearby station. It’s casual, it’s fun, and—surprise—it’s not a death trap.
The idea that a single incident involving a stray golf ball should warrant the complete reimagining of an entire deck is, frankly, laughable. If we start banning things based on minor mishaps, then maybe we should also:
- Prohibit ice cream cones because someone dripped on the deck.
- Ban sunbathing because someone got burned.
- Outlaw buffets because someone overate and had to loosen their belt.
See how ridiculous that sounds?
What Really Happened?
To wrap up this masterpiece of misplaced outrage, Heald also pointed out that Carnival’s crew is trained to help any guest who is injured or in distress. The parents of the child in question apologized for the accident, and—brace yourself—the kid probably felt bad about it.
As Heald put it, asking them to leave would have been an overreaction. (Read: Calm down, you’re fine.)
The Rise of the Grumpy Cruiser
This incident highlights a growing trend: people who knowingly book family-friendly vacations, then get mad when they encounter families. Shocking, right?
It’s like booking a Disney World trip and then demanding that Cinderella’s Castle be converted into a retirement home. Or showing up at Chuck E. Cheese and demanding that the animatronic band play nothing but smooth jazz.
Here’s a wild idea—if you don’t like kids, book an adults-only cruise. There are plenty of them out there, and none of them have rogue mini-golf balls.
But what fun would that be? Complaining is way more satisfying.
Final Thoughts
At the end of the day, Carnival isn’t about to kick kids out of mini-golf, nor should they. Accidents happen, and if a rogue golf ball is enough to ruin your entire vacation, maybe cruising isn’t the right choice for you.
What do you think? Should cruise ships start banning fun to cater to the easily offended, or should people just learn to relax and enjoy their vacation? Let me know in the comments!
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