Carnival Cruise has a teeny-tiny problem, and it’s not because they’ve run out of towel animals or fancy cocktail umbrellas. Oh no, it’s a bit more… electrifying. It seems Carnival needs a little help from its passengers, but let’s face it, getting a cruise-goer to lend a hand with something like energy conservation is about as easy as convincing a cat to take a bath.
Sustainability at Sea (Cue the Eye Rolls)
Look, I get it. “Sustainability” is the buzzword these days, and the cruise industry is diving headfirst into it like it’s some kind of moral obligation. Passengers agree it’s a great idea—in theory. But when it comes to actual implementation, that’s where things hit the iceberg.
Let’s be real here. Many cruise passengers would happily take a ship powered by endangered panda farts and bald eagle feathers if it meant they could crank the AC without a hint of guilt. Sure, we all like to talk about saving the environment, but when it comes down to it, no one’s signing up to be slightly uncomfortable on their dream vacation. “What? You want me to drink water from a can instead of a bottle? It tastes like I’m sipping straight from a tin roof!”
Yet, despite our collective groaning, the Cruise Line Industry Association (CLIA) has made sustainability a central focus. They’ve even published a report with big, lofty goals, which is nice and all, but when you start asking passengers to join the effort, well, you might as well ask them to swab the decks.
Carnival’s “Small” Favor (Spoiler: It’s Bigger Than They Think)
Carnival, in particular, has decided to get in on the fun, asking passengers for what they call a “small favor.” Brand Ambassador John Heald, who’s something of a mascot for the line, is the one delivering the message. And of course, he’s doing it with his usual mix of charm and crankiness.
In a recent Facebook post, Heald mentioned that Carnival is asking passengers to gasp turn off the lights in their cabins when they leave. Yes, you heard me right. They want you to do what your dad’s been harping on about since the 1980s. “Turn off the lights! Do I look like I work for the electric company?” It’s a simple request, but apparently, it’s too much for some.
Now, some of Carnival’s newer ships have these fancy-schmancy keycard slots that automatically turn the lights off when you remove your card from the slot. Great idea, right? Wrong. It turns out some clever cruisers have been “hacking” the system by using spare cards from their last stay at a Motel 6 to keep the lights on while they’re out gallivanting on the Lido deck.
Passengers Get Creative (Read: Lazy)
The real kicker is that many passengers admit to doing this—openly! One guest, Shawn, commented that he keeps a random card in the slot because it’s just too much effort to take his keycard out of his lanyard every time he wants to work the lights. (Because that’s what we’re all about on vacation: minimizing physical exertion.) Another guest, Karen, chimed in, saying she’d rather leave the lights blazing than risk locking herself out of her cabin by forgetting her keycard inside.
Really, Karen? Is this where we’ve come to as a society? We can’t be bothered to turn off a light or remember our own keycards, but we’ll gladly post 10,000 Instagram stories about how sustainable our cruise was. Bravo, humanity.
My Solution: Motion Sensors and Snark
You want to know my solution to this so-called energy crisis, Carnival? Forget the keycards. Install some darn motion sensors. If someone moves, the lights stay on. No movement? The lights go out. Problem solved. That way, even the laziest cruisers among us can enjoy their vacation guilt-free without having to remember that a light switch exists. Because clearly, that’s asking way too much.
And let’s talk about this canned water situation for a second. I’m with Lou from “Your Daily Cruise”—that stuff tastes like you’re licking a wet metal fence post. How about we focus on making the water taste like, you know, water, before worrying about lights? Seriously, Carnival, one crisis at a time.
Are Lights Really Your Big Sustainability Problem, Carnival?
Carnival seems to think that lights left on by forgetful passengers will somehow sink their sustainability goals. Really, Carnival? That’s the hill you’re going to die on? I’ve got news for you: not turning the lights off won’t be what keeps you from going green. If you’re that concerned, how about ditching those awful plastic keycards entirely instead of forcing passengers to remember them every time they leave their cabins?
Heck, why not install those awful canned waters in every room and make sure they’re as undrinkable as possible? That way, people will be forced to drink less water, which will save you even more energy in the long run. Two birds, one stone. You’re welcome.
The Bigger Picture: Sustainability on a Cruise Ship
In all seriousness (which I’ll try to maintain for at least a few lines), sustainability on a cruise ship is a tough nut to crack. Sure, energy conservation is important, but so is balancing passenger comfort. After all, people don’t go on cruises to be reminded of their energy consumption. They go to get away from the real world—and the last thing they want is a lecture on environmental responsibility while they’re trying to enjoy their buffet.
That’s not to say cruise lines shouldn’t do their part. They should. But asking passengers to turn off their lights while simultaneously bombarding them with single-use plastic cups, disposable everything, and enough buffet waste to feed a small country seems a bit hypocritical, don’t you think?
Let’s Be Real Here, Carnival
So, dear Carnival, here’s my plea. If you want passengers to help you with your sustainability goals, start with the things that actually make a difference. Yes, turning off lights is important, but maybe focus on some of the bigger, more impactful changes first. And for the love of Poseidon, fix the canned water issue. Some of us still like our drinks to taste like water, not scrap metal.
Until then, I’ll just keep forgetting my keycard in the slot and hoping you don’t send me a bill for the wasted electricity. Cheers!
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